Closing your eyes

War is raging in my country..
A fact that I still try to grasp ,analyze, understand!
Every thing I have ever known..
All the familiar places ,people ,cities. Everything feels so alien now..and ,I think, to many of my country men and women,,
It is war...
I close my eyes, try to see ,to understand it "objectively" as my friend always says,,,but I can't..
When I close my eyes ,what I see in the darkness is helplessness..
the inability to do anything that can make the difference..
I close my eyes ,I see those who were killed ..
I see the tired face of my mother..
The shocked face of my sister..
The anger in my brother eyes..
And I see faces from my life...
My friends..some of them will never come back..
I see the faces of those I cared about ,and respected, lost ,and confused ..
I squeeze my eye lids more..
More images run on that dark screen..twisted with agony...strained with fear...
Then I see flashbacks from my past.The life I chose to leave..You feel the bitterness all over again..You taste it...you smell it...you can almost ,ALMOST, touch it...You squeeze your eyelids even more ,this time to stop that hot drop from running down your face..
You sigh..
You try to focus again..
Every thing is so confused on that screen...You can't tell which part is your life ,and which is the life of others ..You just can't tell the difference..and You don't care..Because in war ,even if you were thousands of miles away ,you still feel that burn deep inside you...
You take deep breath..
You feel ashamed..
How could you think of yourself ,summon your own memories ,feel the personal pain ,while that ugly war is consuming your homeland ,threatening your loved ones??
Then the answer comes..
Because it is HOME..it is the place in which all these memories formed. It is the place where your life HAPPENED..
You open your eyes, you look out side the window ,at a different sky, different sun...You don't need the screen anymore...The faces ,the places, the memories..They are all in front of you now. So vivid ,so real ,so close ,yet so far...You reach out with your hand..It touches nothing but air...
You release that hot drop from its prison ,to find its way down the lines of your face..Your hand drops on your lap..
And you close your eyes again
And whisper: I am sorry...
.....
A.

R.E.V.O.L.T: Random thoughts about what happened!!

(Definition of REVOLUTION:

2 a : a sudden, radical, or complete change

b : a fundamental change in political organization; especially : the overthrow or renuciation of one government or ruler and the substitution of another by the governed

c : activity or movement designed to effect fundamental changes in the socioeconomic sitution.)

Source: Meriam-Wbster free on line dictionary

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(But doctor,,do you think that region is ready for democracy?)

This question ,asked by a sweet old lady who works at the clinic where I work, was the reason I decided to write this..

The thing is ,What started on December 17,2010 caught everybody in surprise.No body saw this coming..Political analysts ,and so-called middl east experts..Intelegence agencies ,governments, research centers...No body expected this..and now everybody is scrambling to understand what went wrong(or righ,depends on the angle you are looking at),so I hardly think that what ever I am going to write will add anything new to what we already all know..or dont know..

But you know me well(at least those who chcked my blogs befre)...I can't let the occasion go with out another pile of irrlevant and confusing thoughts ..(And yes,,this for you ,my reverse- psychology friend,,you know what to do now, E.S:))

let me frst tell you what was my answer to the lady from wok..I told her:(No ,the region is not ready, because the region was not meant to be ready..but neverthless ,They wanted there right to have democracy ,and freedom .The right to make a choice. The right to make a change.)

Her question was raised because all of the media frenzy that surrounded this event...Many media oulets ignored the reasons of what happened ,and focused on the idea that Arab nations are not ready for democracy.And that Extremists are possibly behind these events..Because that what the fallen regimes were promoting when they were in power..

They(the fallen regimes) made people believe(their own people as well as those of other parts of the world) that they are ,in person, the last defence against terrorists and extremists...That there nations (unfortuntly) are not ready for democracy..and if,or when ,they leave...Chaos and destruction will follow( We all remember what Hosni Mubarak said in his second speech..He asked people to chose between CHAOS and ORDER)..

The thing is..This (Facebook revolution )as some like o call, was lead by young men and women ,who dont follow the main stream opposition movemets ,or relegious movements..They just wanted to be free to follow what ever choice with a solid real democracy

Ben Ali and Mubarak's allies knew they were corrupt,dictators,and oppressives..The wikileaks documents proved this..But no body wanted them out..because they were ,well,,familiar....Better to have a dictatorship you know ,than democracy you dont know....right??? and they will give you the long speech about the Iranian revolution,and how the result of that was dangerous regime whih is threatening the stability of the region and all this.....

But what the good people of Tunisia and Egypt proved was a surprise to all...even to extremists...They proved that you dont need to have a suspecious political agenda to make a change...They proved that the non-sense arguement of Al-Qaeda terrorists about how there is no way of change but only through blowing up innocent people in the name of Allah,who ordered us not to take an innocent life so what ever...It surprised the mighty U.S ,who few years ago tried to promote the concept of Creative Chaos ,basically to bring down governments and rgimes that it considered hostile...

Well...It seems I will go on and on with this....so ,,I will go back to the first Question: Is the region ready for democracy?

My answer again is: no...No Nation through out hitory was ready for democracy..because those who ruled made sure their people (or their subjects) are never ready...

They branded those who rose against their injust as traitors...and many lost there lives

Spartacus lead the slaves in the Roman Republic more than 2000 years ago..Now we consider him a hero..but at that time ,he challanged the establishement in the republic...he fought for a change against an injust law..We embrace what he did today,but back then..if the Roman Republic officials knew about the term...they most likely would call him a terrorist....

The French Revolutin sent shock waves through out Europe by the end of the 18 century...If they had internet back then,,I assume many monarchies woul had collapsed...The truth is ,at the time, the french revolution was scary..It was chaotic..It was bloody (thousands lost their heads ,including many of those started the revolution ..And this what started the phrase "Revolution eat its own children" (La revolution devore ses enfants)...But it is considered one of the greatest moments in human history..were the french ready??? No....But their actions shaped the world to ,arguably, a better place...

The American Revolution against the British Empire..well,,You can be sure the Britons were not happy about that....And it considered this as a rebellion and act of war..But now this is celebratd as a shining spot in Earths history!

Yes,,not all revolutions end in a happy way..Bt they all have one thing in common: They were/are/and alway will be the answer for those who thinks they can go on with oppression and injust.....

It will be always the fact that even when you think that people are out of the equation,and that they are (trained) to accept that thing cant be any better,,they will always surprise you...Because spirits may sleep..Nation may forget their pride and identitiy...But they never die......

God bless those who died believing in the right thing...... And give the courage to those left behind to do the right thing.

A...

What if..

One questin
What if you get the chance to go back and fix one mistake??
Only one..
What would it be?

Regards..
just rando thoughts after a tiring sleepless night..
Till nxt time

I Love You... (Short story)

(Honey ,I'm home!)
He smiled to himself.(Honey ,I'm home).
It was a cliche'. Nevertheless, he kept saying it every time he entered his..no.."THEIR" home..
He dropped the keys in the small pink basket on the table ,the one she bought him because "The only thing that will catch your attention and make you put the keys in the right place, is PINK, knowing how much you hate it"....He smiled again..As usual ,she was right.He hadn't misplaced his keys since She gave him that basket..
He walked in, looked at her face..
She was there in her usual place, with her usual little smile. He was thinking of how much he loved that smile..
(Sweetie, I have great news)
She said nothing, he continued as if he didn't notice. He was so excited .
(You remember the project I told you about? Guess what? I it was approved...We have to celebrate)
He walked towards her, looked into her eyes, and touched her face, gently, with the tips of his fingers.
( You told me I will. Even when I doubted myself, you never did!)
He looked at her face for sometime. She was happy, he could tell.
He laughed and rubbed his hands together:
(I know ,I know..You told me so...You were right. And of course I was wrong!)...
He walked around the room. He felt her kind eyes following him. He was beaming.
(Yes, we have to celebrate..Any thoughts?)
He looked at her expectedly , then frowned a little..
(What is that?)
He walked towards her, looked closely at her face..
( Oh, I am sorry! My bad!)
He took that piece of cotton cloth ,and started wiping the glass surface, removing the smudges his fingertips left..
He looked at her face again. The last picture that was taken before she passed away 27 months and 14 days ago. She died suddenly. She was there, then, she was not.
He thought they had all the time in the world.
He looked at the face he loved. He still loves..
(You asked me once: will you always love me?...I never answered)
He looked into her eyes again
He whispered:
(I love you)
...............................................................................

Her....(Short story)

(Idiot)

She said so loud ,her own voice in the empty room startled her..

She stared to her computer screen for another minute ,the sighed and stood up...

Looking down to her dog .He was ,as usual ,panting ,with his tongue out of his muzzle..He was looking at her with his brown ,adorable eyes...She felt calm instantly.

(You agree ,don't you) ,she told him

He barked once ,and wagged his tail enthisiatically,and took one step closer to her.

She smiled

(of course you agree ,because you are such a good boy ,aren't you?)

he barked again ,and stood on his hind legs for an instant..

She laughed .It was a genuine one..

(oooo ,I think some body wants a treat)

He kpt looking at her , she thought she saw sparkles in his eyes..She knew he understood her perfectly..and she smiled again..but this time her smile was sad..

(If people were this simple . A treat would fix everything) she told her self..

She shifted her eyes to her computer screen again.

This time her gaze was distant..She wasn't really looking at the screen.It seemed like she was looking at something beyond it..

Her dog looked at her for a second ,lowered his head and rested it on his paws ,still looking at her..

(only if....) , she whispered...

on the screen ,she wasn't seeing the words any more..

The reflections on the screen hypnotized her..

She saw flash backs from her life..

Her childhood and teen years .Her choices ,and her achievements..

Then her eyes fell on the words on the screen again ,and she sighed..

She tried ,this much she knew..She would take a chance if she could ..But she wasn't sure..

Her eyes ran over the lines again..This is stupid..

(you win) ,she whispered..

Then she looked down at her dog ,who looked back..

she smiled at him..

(I think he'd like you if he met you)

Her dog barked quitely..

Her smile widened

and she looked back to her screen..

Tomorrow is another day ,she thought..

And sighed again

The End

Memoirs Of A Lone Drifter..(For the record: No thing to do with me)

(P.S: this is an attempt of creative writing in English..It is filled with mistakes ,mis-spellings ,disconnected thouhts and heavy load of boring stuff .Consider your self warned)

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He walked..

He'd been walking for eons, it feels. He forgot when he started ,or where his journey started ,and he didn't care. He was here , and that was enough for.

........

He crossed leagues. 

He stopped. Looked back at all the plains ,the hills ,the rivers he crossed..

Then he looked ahead...More plains were there..More hills and rivers..

He knew he had to cross them.

He sighed ,shrugged ,and started walking again..

.........

He was tired alright ,but he came so far to stop now. Not now ,not at this stage of his journey..

He assumed he was in the midway to his destination .He couldn't remember his destination any more ,but by now he knew it was the journey that matters ,not the destination..

(A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step)

He smiled ,looked down at his worn out shoes. How many miles had he crossed so far?

He didn't know ,and again ,he didn't care..

..........

He thought of those he had to leave behind..

Those who loved him unconditionally ,and he loved them back..But he had to leave them ,out of love.

For this ,he cared..

...........

His journey was not a lonely one..

He had companions along the way. People whom he trusted with his life. They never let him down, but they ,like him, had their own journeys. Their own plains to cross. Their own rivers..

They were away. But they were there..This much he knew..

And that was enough

..........

He lied down on the dew wet grass..

He was gazing at the Moon..

The shiny ,scarred, beautiful silver disc ,like a sad face floating in the sky..

Was that light only a reflection of the Sun? All that sad beauty? .He thought that was possible ,but this didn't diminish the magic of the moment..

Then he shifted his gaze to the stars..

With their cold blue light ,like diamonds on violet velvet..

They were different from the ones he used to watch at the beginning of his journey..

He used his imagination, connecting the stars. 

He was looking at a face. A familiar one he knew so well for all his life.The face was looking at him. Sad. Broken..

He kept his eyes on the stars for so long ,before he closed his eyes and went to sleep..

He never knew it ,but he cried in his sleep.

.........

He was walking again..

His shadow ,casted by the silver moonlight ,was in front of him.

He smiled ,it occurred to him that it looked like he was chasing his own shadow. He thought that was a race he was definitely going to lose. The thought  was so ridiculous ,he started laughing.

Then there was that noise from behind the bushes..

He didn't turn his head..

He knew what he would see if he did.

They followed him from the beginning. With their yellow ,bright ,sick eyes and shapeless dark bodies, twisted in impossible ways..

His demons..

He used to fear them. They always came for him at his weakest. To feast on his fears ,his darkness ,his restlessness and his doubts.

But he didn't fear them anymore..

He accepted them now ,as a part of his journey ,a part of him. He hated them ,but they were there. So better to live with that. It was an ongoing battle he knew he couldn't win ..But he definitely wouldn't allow himself to lose. A draw was fine with him

........

He ,again, looked forward..

Long was his way ,

Something was always waiting around the corner..

A caring face maybe. 

A helping hand..

More rivers.

Larger plains,

Higher, more rugged hills,

He didn't know anymore where his path lead.

He just enjoyed the moment.

.........

Till next time

A.

Curse of The Butterfly: The Things We Do

Years ago ,I heard of some thing called (Chaos Theory) . Then ,I heard of (The Butterfly Effect),a part of the Chaos Theory, which describes the concept of: sensitive dependence on initial conditions. To put it as simple as possible ,it is about how apparently small ,insignificant events can lead to major changes in out comes..

I started reading about this and I became fascinated with the applications of this theory in different fields of science, and in our every day lives as well..

The simplest explaination of this theory was to imagine how a butterfly's wings might create tiny changes in the atmospher that may ultimately alter the path of a tornado or delay, accelerate or even prevent the occurrence of a tornado in a certain location.

Then I started to think more about it(as usual ,not a very good thing)

All these small events in our lives ,small things we thought were insignificant ,negligible ,and small..But yet ,it turned out that these (small things) were to define our lives..

It is being slightly late and missing a life defining appointment by 5 minutes..

It is chosing to go right instead of left..

It is the phone call you never understood its significancce till years later ,and till it was really late..

It is the (yes) you so desperately wanted to hear ,but wasn't meant to you..

And it is the (no) you had to say ,because it was the right thing to do ,and yet ,it was always the thing you regret..

It is the ability to love

and the inability to forgive..

It is the ambition.

The determination.

The unique and deep friendships

The care..

The passion..

The hate..

The fear..

It is the people around us with their small problems ,although their problems are the world for them..

It is every thing that we are that shapes our lives..It is not the major things..Not the big things..Not the great things that make what we are..It is the small things..

It is the butterfly effect..

Till next time (With hopes that next b log will not cause you to sleep on your keyboards)

Benghazi Citizen